kids: a griping post

Friday was my first full day at the orphanage. I was basically thrown into the fray and had to wing it. As it turns out, I suck at teaching kids. The kids are sooooo fantastic, but it is extremely hard to teach them. So, here's a little griping for ya.

I have to look after the youngest ones from 9:30 to 12:30; teach them, play games, etc. Although my level of respect for my sister was already very high, it is now through the roof. It’s fucking ridiculous how hard it is to look after these kids. I can’t get them to motherfucking pay attention to a goddamn thing I do. Even things that involve jumping up and down, out of 14, maybe five of them are doing it while four sit in the corner and draw and the rest are doing who fucking knows what. The ones drawing, hey I’m cool with them, I figure that as long as you’re sitting down quietly and being creative and not trying to jump on my back or fuse yourself to my leg or hit another child, then fucking draw away.

But yeah, I can’t even get them to sit down to read them a story. I was trying to read them a story and I would say to one kid over and over and over, sit down, and he would sit down then immediately stand up. No, sit down and STAY seated. Seriously it went on for ten minutes, sit down, just sit down, fucking sit the fuck down what the fuck.

I sent out a distress call to my sister who emailed me a bunch of advice on discipline in the classroom (thanks Karen!), and I also emailed a former volunteer to find out what he did.

So now, I have a plan. First, I am going to guilt trip them back. You like guilt tripping me? Well I have 20 more years of experience with it than you do. I am also planning on using the prize system. I bought a thing of stickers…which they will only get if they do something good. Plus, our class will be the all singing all dancing orphanage extravaganza. I want to tire them out before they tire me out. I also want to get a whistle. Not just cause it's fun to have a whistle, but also to have something that says shut the fuck up without actually saying shut the fuck up. On a side note though, it's fun to have a whistle.

I am helping the older students with their homework when they get home at night, which leads me to my next problem. Every time I try to help a student with their homework, an older kid sits by me and immediately gives the answers. If I’m trying to explain how to add 42 and 18 together, some older kid will just immediately say “that’s 60”. Yeah, I know it’s 60, you know it’s 60, but SHE DOESN’T AND I’M TRYING TO TEACH HER. These kids really want to impress me by showing that they know the answers, but they don’t understand that I’m trying to teach someone else. And then I say to the older kid, I want HER to do it, and then during the next problem they do the same thing.

Another thing is that this whole alphabet song is complete shite. They can memorize the song, but they don’t learn the letters at all. Each one of these youngens can sing the song, but when I point to the letter “D”, they don’t know what it is. I have taken to holding each child individually and picking letters at random and getting them to say what they are. The good thing is that they LOVE that!

Another thing is that each letter typically has a word that goes along with it. A has apple, C has cat, etc. Y has…yacht? Of all the nouns that start with Y, they chose yacht? Who the fuck decided that, Richie Rich? As if these kids have any clue what a yacht is. Why not yo-yo? You see, a yo-yo is something that most kids might actually come into contact with or recognize.

Although I’m griping right now, don’t get the wrong impression…it’s absolutely fantastic to work with these kids; I’m just learning how to go about doing it in a manner that will be effective, and I’m actually having a really good time figuring all this out! I am also going to create a manual for future volunteers that will give some advice on how to interact with these kids.